If you have a loose floorboard in your flat then follow these
simple steps to fix it up nice and quick
Pull up the carpet and identify the loose floorboard
Find the longest nail that you have in your toolbox ensuring
that it is at least 6 inches long
Make sure that you don't look underneath the floorboard for any
electric cables or water pipes as this would take all the fun away
Find the biggest hammer you have available then proceed to
drive nails into the floorboard
If nail goes through electric cable underneath floorboard,
please ensure that someone is standing by to telephone ambulance
and knows how to deal with electric shocks
If nail goes through water pipe underneath, wait six hours
until water floods the flat below before phoning plumber
Turn water off at some point
When plumber arrives, please ensure that he does not take less
than £600 for emergency call out fee and replacing 12 inches of
pipe in half an hour
Wait for Insurance company to telephone
Discuss with insurance company the cost of completely
refurnishing the ruined flats below
Discuss with insurance company the cost of re-housing the poor
old lady below while her flat is being repaired and all her
worldly possessions dried out.
Simple really. You too can do this simple DIY job in less than
an hour and the cost is no more than ............ £4000
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