Monday
3rd July 12.00pm Meet up at the Cockroach and Mallet
pub.
Not the real pub name but it is like an initiative test for new Ducklings to
find it. As athletes we all have to prepare our bodies carefully for matches. Lagers all round then, together with a collection of Venison, Beef
sandwiches and bowls of chips. Pasta - No chance! Our bodies are temples -
ruined ones.
'Brando has come on tour with flu. When he was picked up at 6.30AM in
the morning he looked like death warmed up and his wife just shook her head
that he was going. She also shook her fist in the direction of 'Murray' and
'DD'. Once down in Devon 'Brando' went straight to bed not to be
seen again that day.
Monday
3rd July 2.15pm On arrival at North
Molton, it was not raining which made a nice change but the pitch was playing
very low. Virgin
Ducklings are always given a warning about the ground and
the damage it can cause to the unwary. One side of the ground has some high
grass and a low fence, beyond which is the road. However the road is 10
feet below the level of the hedge. One Duckling a few years ago went
charging after the ball in the field ran over the boundary and into
space. It looked just like a Looney Tunes classic cartoon moment
when Wile E Coyote goes over the edge of the cliff, hangs there for a couple
of seconds while he realises he is no longer on solid ground then
plummets. Same thing happened at North Molton. 10 foot drop and
bruises. Mind you it provided him with a perfect excuse for when he
returned home later in the week covered in love bites from the Barnstable
Bloodsucker and blamed
them on the fall
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Monday 3rd July 2.34pm
New
Duckling, John, opened the batting and
proved he was a natural tourist by trying to pull a ball
which barely got up to ankle height, out, LBW for 0 second ball. As he walked
back to the pavilion he was greeted with the sound advice "Never pull in
Devon". "Thanks" he said "but you could have told me
earlier". 'Abbott junior' soon followed,
stupidly trying the same pull shot with the same result, umpire 'Reggie'
triggering him out LBW. Adey went one better by
just missing a straight one. After another vociferous LBW appeal against Skins,
Murray, umpiring at square leg snorted to the bowler, " youve
got no chance mate, thats his dad umpiring.
John's duck also meant he
was the new owner of the Ducklings duck which is awarded to the first player
scoring a 0 each day. This duck must be held by the person at all times
until he relinquishes it the next match. Woe betide anyone who loses it
which, of course, is why everyone tries to steal it. This is another feature
of a typical tour and Ducklings tours are no exception. Anything that
is left around will vanish if it is not nailed down. This
includes jumpers, shoes and even 'DD's' crutches which disappeared in a
previous tour. Childish really but grown men will act like children.
Monday 3rd July 5.10pm
With a fine 210 on the board
skipper John had plenty of bowling options and
proceeded to open withAlbey bowling to Radar his brother who was
playing for the opposition as they were one short. 'Albey has developed
the cricket equivalent of the 'yips' and now throws the ball when ever he
bowls slow. So he tried bowling fat. First ball pitched half way
down the wicket and bounced four times before getting to 'Radar' After dropping him with a sharp return catch,
'Albey' was replaced by new tourist Mark, who came steaming in to bowl. He induced the left
handed batsman to sky the ball which found a safe resting place on the ground
after bouncing out of Adeys hands. "F**k" said Adey.
Then blamed 'Albey' for calling 'Adeys while the ball was in the
air. Normally this is not a problem but this one was expensive.
Dropped on 0, the left hander put together 124 not out.
Monday 3rd July 6.20pm Murray surpassed himself bowling with 2
overs for 26 runs, although
a missed stumping and two dropped catches failed to remove the North Molten
top scorer who ended 142 for 8 on his own.
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Monday 3rd July 7.15pm.
With a fine stroke of captaincy John
bowled Abbott senior and although the fielders kept kicking the boundary rope back
every time the ball went over their heads they could not kick the rope back far
enough to prevent the avalanche of six hits. With 150 needed off the last 18
overs, North Molton cruised towards their target. Adey was given
another chance to practice his swearing when he was hit over extra cover
and by the third time was getting really good at it coming up with some
new combinations.
Captain John
finally bought himself into the attack and had immediate success when a hard
return drive hit him in the chest and back into his hands but too little too
late and North Molton finished the job off with an over to spare.
Much criticism from the drunks (non playing Ducklings) on the
grass bank at
the roller end over tactics but tomorrow Hilly
is in charge and rumour has it that he will play the game. seriously.
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Tuesday 4th July 9.50am "Today
is the
day we celebrate our Independence
Day" to quote the guy in the movie. The fact that it was American
Independence Day was a little lost on the troops and a Ducklings tour in Devon
is certainly the furthest thing away from the fattest nation in the world
celebrating their right to eat themselves to death. Not sure this is
historically accurate but it is a good theory. However the first formal
gathering of the Ducklings was held in the morning at the Fines Committee when
Hilly had the honour and proceeded to confuse everyone by fining people
for offences committed on the last tour he was on in South Africa. Not
quite the idea, but doubtless he will cop a fine for the next day.
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Tuesday 4th July
11.30am Tuesday normally sees the non-players taking time out to visit the drinking
establishments of Appledore then taking the ferry across to Instow for the game. Bloggy,
demonstrating a fine appreciation of the seamans art, managed to get
everyone to the pub twenty minutes after the last
ferry left from Appledore so necessitating a large taxi fare to the ground.
He failed to notice that a ferry actually needs water to float on.
Another heavy fine coming up.
Tuesday 4th July
2.35pm On the cricket field, the rain caused the abandonment of the North Devon
fixture for the first time in 18 years. Pity really as the pitch is really
good and it is a nice place to play. However the ground was underwater
so the decision to call it off was not difficult, especially when the covers
started floating away.
CLT.s weather forecasting skills deserted him completely when he
decided to get changed for the game not noticing the 2 inches of rain, which
fell while he was getting ready.
Tuesday 4th July
4.00pm Strange thing happened to the hotel parakeet.
In the morning it was squawking noisily, but had mysteriously
changed to 10
Finches by the evening,
sounding just like Sweep from The Sooty Show. Several hotel guests were
seen to walk past the cage in the evening then take three steps back and try
and work out how the bird had multiplied itself during the day.
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Wednesday 5th July
1.00am Even more surreal was the taxi driver who picked up a group of tourists at
1.00AM in a shirt, bow tie, waistcoat and top hat. He is well known in
Bideford for dressing up differently but this was a definite talking point. Of
course with no game the non-drivers were free to indulge in extra drinking.
Like the fine athletes they are, Boncy and Moods once again
demonstrated their Olympic class drinking
to insensibility levels. A notable effort was also recorded by Skins dad,
Reggie, who was declared tired and emotional by 7.00 PM.
One member of
the touring party caused great amusement when text messages from his
girlfriend were read on his mobile. Judging by the tone of the message she was
missing him greatly and he would be very worn out once he got back making a
porn movie judging by the comments in her text message. These messages
cannot be reproduced as this is a family website.
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