Many of the locals look up in alarm from their pints of mild as this sorry collection of humanity takes over their pub. Indeed walking into the gents toilets and seeing two middle aged gentlemen ('Murray' & 'DD') exchanging a wad of cash seems to indicate something really bad was going on - not so it is just the annual Ducklings tour

The bleary eyes are results of some people arriving on tour a day early and making a night of it and the others are drivers who have been staring wide eyed on the road to avoid the boys in blue efforts to raise money by putting speed cameras behind every road sign.

North Molton’s pitch was soaked after the heavy deluge but these guys don’t work for Crawley Council, so when it stops raining they just roll the pitch, run a mower over it and put the stumps in. The North Molton ground is a lovely place in summer, so they say. This day was the coldest windiest day of the summer and it was hard for the players to stand up never mind play proper cricket.

Bolts and Bloggy still managed to be late to the ground even though the game was starting late and had to be collected by Jackie from the Cockroach & Mallett. After careful investigation it was determined that Mike’s Cabs of South Molton would charge £4.60 for this service so they were fined that amount for their tardiness, plus the tip.

Once the game starts, a 25 over slog, Pop It In Pete complained incessantly that he was out of form and he could not hit the ball off the square before smashing 40. Hanno, now on his third ducklings tour, complained that as a “veteran” duckling that he had been put in at number 4 when he “always opened here”- duly noted for the fines book.

The highlight of the ducklings’ innings had to be Bolts. Bolts is, let’s face it, vertically challenged, so when he borrowed Adie’s pads it looked like a 12 year old coming out to bat in his dads pads. To cap it all he set off for a short single realised that the run was not there and tried to stop. Without spikes on, his body stayed in the same place while his trainers kept on running and he proscribed a perfect banana skin landing on his backside. His efforts to get back into his crease led to the same result and he was left face down six inches from the line as the bails were removed to hoots of derision from the crowd. It also earned him the tour duck, which is presented for the first duck of the day. He further blotted his copybook by drying the wet ball on a borrowed jumper leaving a big red stain on the front.

When North Molton finally got to bat, they were pegged back by Murray's loopy off spin, getting a wicket first ball caught at square leg. Three balls later, same shot same result. Last ball of his over same shot but dropped by Tribey. Murray got his revenge next over when same shot another catch. At this point Murray tried to take himself off to protect his averages. Hanno on the other hand refused to be taken off. Even after the skipper said, “thanks take a break”, off came the jumper and cap ready for the next over before the humiliating walk to the umpire to retrieve them again.

Teas are very good in North Devon and Psycho obviously indulged far too much as his first delivery was accompanied by a loud fart at the point of delivery. Many bowlers grunt with the effort of bowling but the sound normally comes from about 3 foot higher.

Oh and the Ducklings won.