Fact - A drunk will always order two dishes too many
Fact - A drunk will never finish his food
Fact - His mates will also do both of above

If I were a marketing consultant for an Indian Restaurant I would offer a “Late Night Special”. Knock 10% off the price for drunks so they never complain about the bill, make the portion sizes 50% of normal. Everyone wins. Drunks eat all their food, pay their bill, Restaurant need to prepare less food, have no wastage. Simple really!

Nine Ducklings went for a late night curry on Monday night and all of them followed the golden rules. Once they got back to the hotel they then indulged in the normal Monday late night session that drags on well into Tuesday. Boys let off the leash and all that; Tuesday normally sees the worst hangovers of the week

Psycho on his first tour overdoes it and comes down to breakfast the next morning to find his unfinished bottle of Alco pops served up by the waitresses. The Alco pops industry has now given up all pretence that their products are for social drinking. The foul blue concoction Psycho was drinking proves that they are now going for the wino trade by bottling up meths. 

Boncey does not need such extreme measures and just relies on quantity rather than specific gravities and gravity duly took its revenge on him when he eventually turned in as dawn was breaking and he then fell out of bed with a satisfying thump. Next year the hotel will put him in a baby’s cot - he should fit ok - if they pad it out a bit.

Today really introduced Russell to the Ducklings tour. Russell is a non-cricketer but came along for the craic. The day before he had proved his cricketing credentials by going for a catch that went through his hands and volleying it 30 yards along the boundary. On the plus side, he did also pull off two catches when you would have put your mortgage on him dropping them and then picked up the final North Molton wicket.

Even Russell would not claim to be a hardcore cricketer but as a tourist he was going to take a full part. Russell and Adie were duly elected to do fines for the match at Instow, the home of North Devon. Adie warned Russell to keep an eye on the book at all times, but of course he lost it.. If he manages your money like he looked after the book, then the particular banking organisation which he and Adie work for are in deep S**t. Adie blamed Russell for losing the book telling him that all he had to do was keep his eye on it for thirty seconds and he couldn’t even do that simple task and they had a bit of a tiff.

The weather had been looking a bit ropey all day and as Ducklings batted (poorly) the rain started and got harder and harder. The North Devon skipper was keen to continue (more so than his drenched team and the waiting batsmen). With evangelical zeal the skipper wanted to carry on and was only persuaded to come off when the groundsman intervened. As the players trooped off there was a “frank exchange of views” between the skipper and groundsman over whether conditions were fit for play, this went something along the lines of: Groundsman “If we carry on in this weather we are going to ruin the pitch”
Skipper “We’ve got lots of f***ing pitches”

Despite the name, the last thing the Ducklings wanted was to go out and field and get drenched. As it turned out the rain decided to hammer down even harder and the decision to abandon the game became a no-brainer. Probably a good thing as the Ducklings were being royally stuffed at the time.

Adjourned to the bar, just in time to see the highlights of Rusedski being stuffed and suddenly turning Canadian when he had been British the day before.

With a long night ahead of drinking, a trip to the bowling alley seemed like a good idea and like every good sports people the competitive edge kicks in. “Pop It In Pete” hustles Andy by saying that he hasn’t bowled for years, throws the first game then demolishes him in the second frame and then reveals he used to bowl in the Leagues.

Psycho loses to a girl.