|
from an original idea by Matt Owen
 Malcolm ( 1st team scorer) and Brian ( Scoreboard attendant) are revered
amongst many clubs in West Sussex for their own unique brand of entertainment
value for opposing teams. Malcolm has been with the club for forty years.
He has scored, umpired and even played in some matches. Few can forget Malcolm
playing on club days in the past and dismissing some high quality batsman. Sadly the pace of
the game has become to o much for him
even at club days and we now have to make do with him scoring and annoying all
and sundry who come within a 100 yards.
To add to the equation we now have a third useless contribution to the gene pool
in the guise of resident spectator "Father Jack". Sadly not yet
seen in the Maidenbower area as the bus trip may be a bit much for
him. As Maidenbower is officially classed as Maidenbower village,
we are now officially looking for the local village idiot to come and
cheer the team on. Applications need not be in writing as a
behavioral
analysis can be conducted.
The sayings of Malcolm and Brian
Malcolm's guide to spelling
Malcolm's scoring
statistics 2002
Here is a selection of quotes from the un-dynamic duo both of
whom speak without ever engaging their brains.
|
Scorer to Malcolm
Malcolm to scorer |
- That sun is very bright today
- you've got good
eyesight! |
|
Malcolm to David Gillett walking off the pitch after getting a
duck. |
"
That's your third duck in a row, are you ever going to get a run?" |
|
Malcolm to Trevor Akehurst after promotion to the first
team. |
"We
must be short today if you are playing". |
|
Malcolm about Didier Sanders |
" What's he doing in the team?" |
|
Malcolm to Andy Wales after a tough afternoon behind the
stumps. |
"
You let 23 byes through, why can't we get a proper wicketkeeper?" |
|
Brian |
" Great shot Fallah.....oh he's out." |
|
Malcolm to one opposing side
- |
You're the worst side we've played all season |
| Malcolm to Findon players |
We've never lost to you, how comes you're top of the League when we beat you all
the time? |
|
Brian |
That Fallon is a
great player |
| Malcolm |
Was that a run? |
| Malcolm |
what happened there? |
| Malcolm |
Who hit that? |
| Malcolm |
That's one to
Fallah.......oh ok one to Didier, I thought so |
| Malcolm |
245 for 3, good job they only had nine men otherwise
they would have got 345 |
| Malcolm |
Oh you're out, when did you get
out? I've still been giving you runs. |
| Malcolm |
Have they got any of that
SNIRNOFF (sic) ICE? I Love that SNIRNOFF ICE! |
| Malcolm |
24th May - That Andy Wales is
the worst wicket Keeper in the Club
31st May - Andy you're the best keeper in the club |
|
Correct |
Malcolm's version
|
| Fallah |
Fallon, Tallon, Fellon
*NEW* Fullan (18/5/2002 |
| Aamer Riaz |
Amer Raiz, Aamer
Rial, |
| Amjad |
Amjab |
| Didier Sanders
|
Didio
Saunders
|
| Warren Schultz
|
Warren Shult,
|
| Musawar |
Musawan (1st reported
misspelling 25/05/02) |
| Pragash Podiratnum |
No surprises on this one!
Podiratham |
| Shakeel Malik |
*new 1st June*
Shekell Malik |
| Matches
scored |
42 |
| Scorebook correct after
match |
3 |
| Most runs missed in an
innings |
24 |
| Most new bowlers missed in a
match |
4 |
| Most players misspelled in an
innings |
6 |
| Most players who said "f**k off Malcolm" in a
day |
3 |
|
Wanted.
New Players at Crawley CC with funny sounding or difficult to spell
names to confuse our scorer. No John Smiths or Fred Jones need
apply ...... mind you.
|
